I assumed that people who were married, were happily married… oops, my bad. I thought you found that special someone, fell in love and got married, if at some point your marriage fell apart for whatever reason then you would split up, go your seperate ways and start fresh. OK, it might not be that simple but the point is I thought if someone was completely miserable in their relationship, and found it to be beyond repair then they would leave and find happiness. Or try everything in their power to piece their marriage back together. After all who wants to spend their life miserable?
I recently spoke to a lady who married her ‘true love’ six months ago after they had been dating for a few years and have a child together. She mentioned to me that her husband was a total jerk (actually her language was a lot worse) and they ‘hate each others guts.’ Seriously? That’s quite harsh now, isn’t it?
I’ve been trying to understand how you find that special person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with and have it end after only six months? That’s a pretty short life span. How does it go that bad, that fast?
Marriage isn’t easy, if it was, life would be boring. A marriage needs to be nurtured everyday. And marriage is not roses all the time. There may be a phase in your marriage where you love your spouse, but you really don’t like him right now. But let’s just say that something beyond our control happens and circumstances are really bad. I think I would do whatever it took to try and piece the relationship back together or find a way, any way, to get out. But would I live in sufferring? I don’t think so. I couldn’t imagine going to bed and getting up each morning to someone I couldn’t stand to look at. I’d want out, so I could find happiness.
But before dividing our assets, is it really that bad? Or am I perceiving it to be worse than it is. I have met people who have said, “my spouse has left me and I have no idea why. I thought we were happily married.” That leads me to believe that at some point communication as been lost. If there is trouble in your marriage that you didn’t know about it’s time to plug into your marriage and ask some questions.
It can be tough to make one-on-one time with your spouse with demanding jobs, screaming kids, barking dogs and the phone ringing but your marriage has to be a top priority. Set time aside each day to spend some time with your spouse. Someday the kids will be grown, with their own lives, you will have more free time to spend with your spouse. Work towards the golden years, Nurture each other so you can enjoy those golden years… together!
Care about his/her day. When your spouse walks in the door after a long day of work and is greeted to “It’s about time you got home, where have you been.” He/she would like to turn around and walk right back out the door which in turn widens the communication gap. Ask him/her about their day, be genuinely interested. Respect and listening goes a long way. Your spouse will immediately know that you care and open up to you.
Think back to the good times. Is this really the end or just a little bump in the road? Do you want to spend the rest of your life together? What was different then? Remember the reason that you walked down the isle with this person. Was there more romance? Don’t wait for him/her to make the first move. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results. Some one has to make the first move in trying to patch things up.
Is your fight really that important? Yes, he left the toilet seat up, but in all fairness, you left it down. Don’t waste your time nit-picking issues that are really not that that important. Look at the big picture. Don’t dredge up the past, look ahead to the future.
Try and stay away from negative people, at all costs!! Negative people and those who are having their own marital problems don’t want to see you happy. Misery loves company.
Be careful about who you share your troubles with. Sure you’re best friend is a good shoulder to cry on, but that person is only getting one side of the story and may advise you to leave your marriage when, in reality, your problems can be worked out. After all you may be slightly exaggerating.
Look at all of your options and try everything possible to fix what is broken, if it doesn’t work then at least you can leave with your head, held high and say you’ve tried everything possible. Not all marriages can be saved, but some can. I have been with my husband for almost twenty years. There has been a couple of times over the years where I considered throwing in the towel, thinking the grass must be greener on the other side. By the way, it’s not. Thankfully I didn’t. My marriage is so much better today than it was fifteen years ago.
These are just a few tips that can get you back to a happier place. Hopefully, you can work through your troubles and in five years look back at the difficult times and see that it was worth the effort to fix your marriage. And if not, I hope that someday you will find the happiness that you deserve.
